Every sixteen year old girl thinks she's in love but don't tell her otherwise because this way she thinks it's extra special.
Do woman respond to being treated like crap?
I've had this thought on my mind for quite some time now and have come to a conclusion. Looking back at my own experiences, I've noticed myself responding to unhealthy treatment. Take my last relationship for example: Along with all of the great and amazing things he did for me there was definately the bad. He never commented on myspace and rarely on here, I called him more often than he called me, I never got asked out on a date(always at home watching a movie night after night the same thing), and most recently the break up. I should hate him for what he did right? Just the opposite. I'm still completely in love with him. I've convinced myself to look past the bad and see the good and now that's all I can see. I have blinders on to the fact that he broke my heart. I can't get all of the good times out of my head and can't let go to the amazingly strong love I have for him. I gave him 100% of myself and I folishly didn't expect 100% back. I was once told that a relationship was to be 50/50 and those same people who told me that are now soon to be wed and don't even follow the rule. Tagging along by that example and many others I still gave it my all and committed. Now, you would think that after all that and after breaking my heart and becoming involved with another woman 3 days after our parting I would want nothing to do with him. Part of me really doesn't. He made me miserable and physically ill. Yet the stronger, less reasonable side of me tells me that love doesn't happen very often and once you find it never let go. I can't get that mentality out of my head. I know I should move on and come to the realization that he doesn't care about me whatsoever but I'm a fighter as many know. Like I said before, I'm foolish. Someone whose words and actions I value more than anything told me they came looking for love. So my question is. You obviously found it so now that you got rid of it what are you looking for now? And why get rid of something you so strongly desired to have? This is why I'm having such a hard time with this. I was told to never give up and to go after him if something happened(a promise we made to each other) and I intend to uphold that promise. Again, I'm a fighter. I'm a silly teenage girl who follows her heart instead of her head. And do you know something? Dispite all the hurt he's caused me I'll never change from that teenage viewpoint. I'll be forever young and will follow my heart like always.
Thanks for the memories.
I hate being this girl. That's one promise I made to myself that I broke. I fell in love.
posted by Maggie @ 4:05 PM
1 Comments:
Maggie, I know we've never been that good of friends. In fact, most of the time I thought you hated me. I know you've heard a lot of advice right now. And no one is really ever right, and no one really knows what's going on in your heart and mind but you. However, let me tell you a little bit of my experience. Justin & I dated and it didn't work out our freshman year of high school. We broke up and I went back to one of my exes. We became the best of friends and stayed that way, however, he promised me that he would never stop wishing for and believing in us. And so, 5 years later, we ended up dating. After a bunch of failed relationships for both of us, we took the biggest risk on each other. I had realized for so long, that every other relationship of mine, every other guy, had been compared to Justin. And no one compared. I had fallen in love when I was 14 and never fell out. But for so long, I denied it. I did not want to admit that and through each break up, Justin & I turned to each other and almost started everything up. But I was too scared of what might happen, so we never made it there. And then, this year we took a complete and total leap, on nothing but our hopes and dreams of what it might be like. And it was amazing. I have never felt for anyone else what I do for him, and I doubt if I ever will for any other guy. But friends started to tear us apart & turn us against each other, & an ex girlfriend came back. And we borke up. But I fought for him. I believed in us. and now, we're back together & stronger than ever. I'm not saying I think you & Mark might get back together. But it took Justin & I, myself looking at another person, possibly wanting to date them & going out a couple times to realize what we had in each other. .. Don't give up. You have to take this time to love yourself. No matter how hard it is to go on when you're broken, you need to carry on and be better than ever on your own. Love yourself first, he''l come around. He needs to see the girl he fell in love with, and if it's not Mark, then maybe someone else will. The best and hardest part of this is carrying on & becoming strong and happy even though you are just broken. That's the best advice I can give you. Because I was there not too long ago. Read my "She Knows" blog. it might help you. And when Justin realized all of that, & read my blog that night, we started going back out. AND if nothing else, if you need someone to just listen, you can call me. I won't mind at all. =) hang in there kiddo. You're worth so much more than you will ever think of yourself.
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